Things You can do with your stupid Uber Driver


Recently Uber lowered the rates for Uber rides in many Cities across the World. They didn’t do so because even one rider complained about the rates, They did so because Lyft came to town after them and under cut Uber’s established rates. The local Taxi’s were already being under cut by 30 percent or more but now in many Cities the Uber rates are half of a Taxi’s rates. Not only did Uber cut the per mile rate, they also told the driver that they might be the stupidest living thing on the face of the earth because they are not even worthy of minimum wage. during their wait time. The wait time in some Cities is .13 per minute or 7.80 per hour. Yes, Your stupid Uber driver is so stupid that He/She will wait, most of the time with the engine running for less than minimum wage. So not only are they working for less than minimum wage, they are spending their money for the right to do so. When the executives that thought these rates up, the ones that just got off their private jets do You think Anyone of them multiplied .13 x 60? Do You think even One Person in their family said, Hey, Dad, that’s only 7.8 per hour?

So as long as Uber has established these rates, why not take advantage of it by using the Uber driver for other task? Uber does not imply that Uber drivers will do other task while waiting but if they are stupid enough to work for less than minimum wage they most likely will do many other stupid things.

Baby Sitting: It is very hard these days to find a baby sitter on short notice and when You do They want a fortune and You have to provide their transportation. Why not just stick Your kids in an Uber car and tell the driver You forgot something inside so just keep the meter running at 13 cents a minute. You can go inside and relax, maybe even mess up the sheets with Your spouse, after all, if You are inside for 20 minutes it will cost You 2.60. Who knew You could get laid for 2.60!

Grass Growing: Worried that Your grass is not growing fast enough? No problem, call an Uber car and ask the driver to go ahead and start the meter but while He/She is waiting ask Him/Her to watch Your grass. You can do this for an hour or so, it’s only going to cost You 7.80 per hour and that is cheaper than the law will allow You to hire Someone other than an Uber driver. I am sure that the Uber driver will give You good feedback about the growth of Your grass, unless He/She is already passed out from the fumes of the car that they kept running for that hour.

Paint Drying: At 7.80 per hour, less than You can pay even an illegal immigrant, why not take advantage of the Uber driver for this task? Just painted the front door of Your house? Worried that the paint will not dry properly? Just order the Uber car and tell the driver to start the meter when He arrives. Once He is there ask Him to keep watch on the door to make sure the paint is drying. You can relax inside and leave that difficult task to Him/Her. Take Your time, at less than minimum wage You would be wasting money if You hurried this driver off. When You do decide to come out the driver can give You a full report about the drying of Your paint.

Playing Your game of solitaire: Lets face it solitaire sucks! Did Anyone ever play solitaire because they liked it? No, they play it because they are stuck somewhere and cannot find anything else to do. But there is no need for You to play Your own game of solitaire when an Uber driver can do it for You for less than minimum wage. Call Your Uber car and when He/She arrives, tell them to start the meter and hand them a pack of cards. Tell them to play so many hands of solitaire that the cards are completely worn out or until it cost You 7.80.

Checking Your internet Speed: If You are calling Your Uber at Your residence You can get Him/Her to do You a solid by checking Your internet speed. We have all had that argument with Our internet provider that our internet speed is too slow and way slower than what We are paying for. But Who has the time to keep checking the speed? There are plenty of sites that will do a free speed check for You but Who wants to keep running that test until We find a slow connection that We can use to prove it? Call the Uber car and tell the driver to start His money maker, then hand Him a laptop or tablet as He sits in Your driveway. Let Him/Her run this test over and over while You chillax inside. When You gain enough energy to check on Him/Her or when You burn through 7.80, see how the test came out.

There are millions more things that an Uber driver should do for You at 7.80 per hour and I cannot list them all. Just use Your imagination, anything that can be done while sitting in a car should be considered. Do Your taxes, sort Your laundry, rename Your pictures on Your laptop, have sex with Your Wife, check Your milk for freshness, chew Your steak, listen to Your demo tape, laugh at Your jokes, be Your night watchman, ask You if You lost weight, pet Your cat, watch for the mail and just about anything that cannot otherwise be done for less than minimum wage.

waiting is fun:What is most ironic about the wait time being less than minimum wage is that the absolute hardest thing that Anyone can do is wait. Did You ever think waiting for Your kids to come out of the movies was fun? How about picking up Your friend from the airport? Everyone is out except the Person You are waiting for, was that fun? Watching each Person come out thinking, is that my Child, my friend? What does my friend look like? Maybe that is my Child, its been so long i do not even remember.